I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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