Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we're so committed to being not committed
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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