I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
