I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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