Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
