I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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