why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
