You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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