she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
