he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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