I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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