someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She needs sedatives and a leash
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There are leaves in my underwear?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
