i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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