if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
