she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
