Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
