i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize