apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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