I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
