So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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