why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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