they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
