suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
