porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
