after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
