a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
