Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize