he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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