6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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