You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
