I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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