My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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