I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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