So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
