So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Randomize
