You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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