we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This baby is an asshole
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
