he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
