Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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