I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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