I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
