dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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