stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
