My room smells like vodka and shame
My balls are so social today.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
