in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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