he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
a search helicopter?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
In other news, I just burned my penis
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
