He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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