Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
