wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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