The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
