I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
