he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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