Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
