I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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