I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
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Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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