I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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