there was a trapeze. enough said
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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