Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
