I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
