Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize