Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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