you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
