I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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