I'm really into asian looking animals
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
